WordPress has a neat feature where you can follow hashtags, such as #writingprompt. Apparently, there is a challenge called #bloganuary, where writers attempt to write everyday this month. I had made that “resolution” myself anyway, since I’m home recovering from a surgery and some surprise news thereof, so may as well make it part of a group effort? ::insert cheesy awkward smile emoji::

The prompt for today is “What Are Your Biggest Challenges?” I’ve always struggled between two techniques of creativity: one, where you let the day flow, keeping in mind that you have certain things to accomplish, but kind of following the feeling of what you might want to be doing at any moment. The second is where you set a schedule, and follow it. I’ve tried both over the years, but am still undecided as to which, if either, is more productive. This is my challenge currently, since I’m home without paid work outside of the house for a bit. My family goes off to their daily work, and I stay home with the dogs. Of course, there is housework to be done, and as a homeowner there are always maintenance or upgrade things to keep up with, but I’m not going to turn into the person who always had food made and the house sparkling. I clean so I don’t go nuts looking at laundry, dog hair or dishes piled in the sink. Clean surfaces are zen for me. In the past, when I was working out of the house and had a day home without my family around, I’d get down. If I didn’t make a plan, I’d get overwhelmed by what felt like limitless, never-ending tasks, and the “Sunday scaries,” which can apply to any day of the week, really. I’d wish for two or three days home, so I could really immerse myself in a project and make headway, rather than get things in order, only to go out to work the next day and then have to come home and figure out what was for dinner, or ask family to pitch in with regular chores. I had some serious “grass is greener” perspectives battling, where rather than being fully present and immersed in what the day presented, I’d be wishing I was in a different area of my life, (work when I was home, home when at work.)

There are pros and cons to the two approaches of going about your day. If you make a list, and then don’t get it *all* done, there is a weird feeling of failure, or at the minimum, of having to accept that maybe the day was successful because you did get any of that list done in the first place. Making the list itself can be a little stressful – how do you prioritize which things get done first? Some of that comes to timing, ie. get to the post office before it closes, get the writing done before the kids come home, feed the dogs on their schedule. Some of the prioritization happens based on the day of the week, or if there are appointments or other events scheduled that have to be considered. I’m sure I’m not alone here, but I also have a tendency to generate a big list, once I get started. Things To Do just pop out of dusty filing cabinets in my brain, and actually, when I get started considering all of the options for what I could choose in a day, the low, somewhat petulant feeling from unstructured days feels superfluous. In addition to any of the endless home upkeep or improvement tasks, I could also do any number of creative things! I have wool projects that have gone on for years unfinished. I have paints and puzzles. My number one fantasy is to lay about reading ALL DAY, but I literally never do that, because I’m terrible at sitting still and have too many other things I want to get done. (Maybe retirement will be on a beach, where I can literally just lay about in the sun all day and read.) (not likely.)

Regardless of the cons of the list-making approach, in the months leading up to a couple of Life Events last year, the “go-with-the-flow” approach had me feeling low enough that I sincerely began to worry about whether I needed help with my mental health, or was I on my way to having a midlife crisis. Did I need an attitude adjustment? Did I, in my early forties, need to re-learn how to be comfortable without other people around? (I come from a big family, and this has been a theme not only for me, but for my siblings as well.)

The fomo improved when I left a full time job that was wearing me down in late September. I shifted to freelancing, which eased wishing for the other side of the coin somewhat, because I had more chunks of time either dedicated to work outside of home or work at home. If you’ve read my other posts, you know that I had a thyroidectomy a couple of weeks ago, which really upended all previous modes of living. I’ve spent the past two weeks shaking with too much thyroid hormone or napping; not much room in-between those two modalities for not appreciating the present, because I’ve been so physically in it – I’ve just had to live it and see what was possible each day.

But tomorrow is January 2nd, and the family will go back to their previously scheduled programming. I’ll have to find some saddles I can comfortably get back into, without making myself feel sick. So, I’m going to go the way of list-making, and try to establish somewhat of a routine to approach the next days. The idea of feeling blue because I’m without human accompaniment is definitely not something I relish, and I’d much rather be productive and helpful, lay down one foot in front of the other and gain some progress toward regular physical movement, developing creative projects, and making my home sparkle, haha.

Sometime last Fall, I found an app called “Structured,” that I’ve found helpful. Despite being a fan of good ol’ pen & paper, the app is helpful because it feels somewhat more organized than writing down to-do’s. I can put in set tasks, assign an amount of time for them, and then the app shows the blocks of time already occupied. You can double-schedule things, and if you have a gap in your time, it may suggest “read a book” or ask if you’d like to keep the time free vs. schedule something. There is also an inbox, so if my brain is cluttered with the to-do’s flying out of dusty drawers, I can put them in there and assign a day & time later. The app also has a one-up on pen & paper because of how attached we are to our phones these days, meaning that because of course I have my handy-dandy mini computer in my palm or pocket all day, I’ll see when the app notifies me that a task is starting. I can still check things off too! If I went pen-and-paper, I’d have to take a photo and then keep opening it to check what I’d planned on doing. I can also repeat tasks, such as getting my steps in, from one day to the next, which is helpful.

https://structured.app/