Since the thyroidectomy, I’ve had a good amount of time to consider what my mission, or goals in life, are. This has been a big shift for me, as I’ve needed to slow down in order to heal, and this time period has coincided with not having work – wide open time to shape as I will.

When I was working full time, I enjoyed the financial security and alleviation of pressure which arose from differing financial priorities; when we had a bit of extra funds, my partner would want to pay down bills, whereas I’d want to save. Having my own income meant I could save, and contribute when bills started to rack up – the inevitable dental work, car repair, school fees and the like.

Without the demands of a full-time commitment, I am concerned about income, but not desperately yet. The work isn’t there anyway, currently. So this time is about intentions and planning, laying the groundwork for the months to come. It follows a natural pattern which is much more harmonious and peaceful; the months are long and dark for a bit now, so like animals and flora, we should be slower, gathering energy to ourselves for when the world is bright again and it’s time to grow.

A Designer’s Motto

During my philosophical ponderings as the brakes were applied, I came across an artist whose work is made with swaths of color, soft and haphazard, with words in a brushed font overlaying, expressions about health and wellness. I made one my screensaver, which says: I am going to make everything around me beautiful. That will be my life. – Elsie de Wolfe. de Wolfe was an interior designer in NYC at the turn of 19th century, who enjoyed lightening dark, ornate Victorian decor in favor of lighter, simpler styles. Her clients were Vanderbilts and Fricks, and she was one of the first female interior designers.

Appropriately, de Wolfe meant this in quite a literal way, and it applies to my mission manifold. Working with flowers, they are for someone to receive, whether on a large scale such as a wedding or event, or individually, such as a gift. Their whole purpose is to beautify, enhance and make the occasion more memorable. I do hope to continue working with flowers in this coming year, (I can’t imagine NOT working with flowers in some capacity,) but I have other methods for beautifying the world as well.

Energy Theories

In a philosophical conversation with a close friend years ago, I learned about a rational approach to the afterlife that has stuck with me and which I found a neat, soothing idea. I don’t remember the name of the theory, since I think it was more of their interpretation of quantum physics. The basics are that energy can neither be created nor destroyed. When a person dies, their essence, or energy isn’t destroyed, it simply returns to this massive, (maybe metaphysical,) pool of energy that is the universe. This idea appeals to me on many levels. It means that a) nothing truly ends b) our loved ones can continue to be part of us, at a molecular level, and explains when people feel a presence c) it’s possible that someone’s energy can manifest again…

This theory doesn’t explain everything, though. For example, how did all of that energy first begin? Is the when important? Did something exist first? I don’t expect to puzzle out answers to these questions, as they’re too big for our current brains and senses, but I do think they leave room for a Creator, whatever form they may take. And yes, I do think that religions are ways people interpret this Original Energy or parent energy, in a way that makes sense and is approachable. (Not that religions make sense, but we need representation which is relatable. Floating pools of energy is pretty far from human existence.)

This theory of energy raises the idea that when I’m creating, I’m possibly drawing upon this great source; I could be connecting to my grandmother, who originally inspired me to be a florist! Or other artists, heck maybe even the flowers themselves which I’m working with. The idea that I’m only channeling some of this universal vitality, siphoning to give it a physical form that then travels to change someone else’s energy, is SO COOL to me. It explains a lot about why flowers, or art, affect a person’s mood; on the other hand, why when someone does something negative, it saps other people’s spirit and desire to interact further.

Beauty restores energy, shares it around and improves the overall flow in the system. It can be expressed in endless ways. I don’t have to be making a floral arrangement to be moving energy around. Energy is transferred as well when you visit someone or spend time with them, when you’re simply present. Laughter and joy are BIG energy. This big picture view of life and death softens my current situation. It makes “not being a producer” or not being actively engaged in work outside the home, in just healing and being available to loved ones, a worthy pursuit in and of itself, because I’m still contributing. I’m making a difference and helping improve other people’s quality of life. I’m beautifying it, whether that is through their lighter feelings, small acts of service, helping them figure something out or just holding their hand. The opportunity to contribute good energy to their lives is the most beautiful gift I can give and receive.

I feel like this may all sound kind of “woo-woo,” new-age mystical. I tried to find the sources for the quantum physics theory, but couldn’t find the exact thing; it bears having the conversation with my friend again, so the details are more fresh. People get uncomfortable when talking about existential perspectives, because they can hurt our brains, or threaten what we consider our place in the world, but it’s healthy to think about things in a different way. Keeps us full of wonder and always striving to be better. 😉